Satisfied Mind

    I've always been told that rain symbolizes a new beginning. It cleanses the air, and washes away the toxins in the earth. As the rain gently knocks on my window pane I can't help but think of this. My mind hasn't been this crowded is many months. I am supposed to start at a new school Friday and take an art class there once a week. I am scared out of my mind. Scared of the many things I was so certain I had conquered. I fear I will sabotage a great opportunity, as it seems, that is what I do best.  Why wait for someone else to disappoint you, when you can disappoint yourself in half the time? I have become so comfortable with loneliness because it is better than in a room of people and pretending to smile. Goddamn, I was so sick of pretending that I was alright, that at night I didn't cry until the sun came up and wish the world would crumble. Mostly I fear I am not strong enough to deal with the pain of that wound again, that it will be the final nail in the coffin. I also fear happiness, being comfortable only to have it taken away again. I fear friendship, having no place to hide, no one I can fool with a false smile. It shocks me how I see myself. I see my self as a monster or type of ticking bomb. Feeling the need to warn people of what they are getting themselves into, that I am not easy to be around or call a friend, that I will try to scratch and kick my way away from you to go back into hiding, into the dark lair of my mind where I can be fully sick without harming those around me. This isn't about this one class, its a much bigger issue. One I dont think I will ever conquer. As I fall asleep tonight listening to the steady rain I must remind myself that whenever I chose I can be the rain, and the sun that comes after it.

Noelle H.

I Know Its Over

His voice wraps around my soul and grasps tight leaving me breathless.

If only he came back to me.

With his angelic eyes filled with such sorrow it left you bruised.

He had a drug to kill every pain but silence.

He pushed away the person who would’ve saved him.

But I guess that was the mistake,

thinking he would want to be saved.

I tried,

Goddamn did I try.